019. How to Travel with Kids with Less Stress & Anxiety with Emily Calvo, LMHC

Kelly: [: 00:00:00

I'm your host, Kelly Tolede, and it's my mission to inspire you to live life to its fullest, travel with an open mind and heart, and let the world show you a new perspective. I'm so grateful you're here with us today, so let's dive right in. Happy exploring.

Welcome to the Transform with Travel podcast. I have Emily Calvo here. Emily and I have been connected for a few years now. I think we followed each other on Instagram and I was like, Hey, what you're doing is really aligned with what I'm doing just in different modalities. And. We met up at a local coffee shop and talked for a few hours.

communities, especially for [: 00:01:00

She was born and raised in Venezuela, but she's lived in the United. States for over 15 years now, helping couples, parents, and moms navigate life transitions during pregnancy and parenthood. If that's your specialty and your passion, which is why we originally got so connected in the first place. Cause I was really heavily working in the women's health space at the time.

And while pregnancy, childbirth and parenting brings significant change, stress, and worry to life. Her goal as a therapist is to show you that these experiences aren't entirely negative. They can also be beautiful and exciting. She's here to help you through all the ups and downs. In addition to Emily's work, she's also an adventurer at heart.

having me here. So happy to, [: 00:02:00

I'd love for you to just talk a little bit about your background. I mean, briefly in the backstage before we started recording, you were talking about how you moved here 15 years ago from Venezuela. I'd love for you to share. What that journey was

Emily: like. Yeah. So I think, I think my journey started way, you know, over 15 years ago.

I visited the United States when I was only 10 for the first time. And I remember my mom was brave enough to let me fly on my own at 10 years old to get to my aunt's house in Florida. And that was a very first adventure I did like on my own, very independently at only 10. I felt very empowered going to a new country on my own.

And when I got here, I loved everything. As soon as I walked out of the airport, I kind of made up my mind that this was Where I belonged and when I went back home after that, you know, a couple of months being here I told everyone, you know, my first job is going to be paid in dollars because I'm going to live in the United States.

[: 00:03:00

Kelly: I love that and That transition from Venezuela to Tennessee in which you mentioned you were in Memphis Which is vastly different from the geography the culture where you were in Venezuela Can you talk a little bit about like did it feel like what did it feel like for you to have gone to such a drastically?

able. So I was, I had a good [: 00:04:00

A family who spoke my same language, who knew the same traditions. That kind of made it easier in that sense. It was hard to start making friends, but I started in an English program with a lot of people from different backgrounds, cultures, and countries going through a similar transition. And I think that made a great impact too because there were people.

On pretty much the same page as I was adapting to the language, the culture the city, the country. So I think that that was very meaningful to me in that time and during that transition. And then after years went by and I started regular college, you know, it was hard to, you know, be blended with the culture, with the American culture, understanding the traditions.

lend in and to, you know, be [: 00:05:00

And I knew, I think, By year two or so, living in Memphis, that that was not going to be the city where I would stay, you know, for, for the rest of my life or for a longer period of time. I still don't know if Florida is going to be the place but I knew for a fact that I was not going to stay in Tennessee.

So I made the plans ahead. I kind of you know, realized that I could finish college there and then made a plan to move forward, whether it's starting my career or going for graduate school at a different place. So I started browsing and I kind of, the weather played a big role to me. I come from a tropical country, so I decided that Florida was going to be a good option for me.

And that's when I, you know, looked up the information, the, the universities and the programs to continue on with my master's degree

I love that. You're like, I [: 00:06:00

Emily: with the cold. That's the main thing. The winter is not for

Kelly: me. Because Tennessee is so cold.

Like you, I mean, coming from Florida, I don't know much about other states. Climate, but Tennessee and like the Midwest area is the South you think like it's in the South ish and it is cold.

Emily: It is very cold. I went through, you know, snow storms. I went through tornadoes, but it was very new for me. You're like, I'm done.

I'm out. I'd rather take the hurricanes over the

Kelly: tornadoes. Yeah, I feel the same way. At least you have a little bit of warning beforehand. Right, right. Hearing your story, it sounds like that community aspect of having people who are going through something similar when you first moved here, having people who were kind of all going through the same thing of assimilation and culture shock and learning the language, that seemed like it was a really important part of your process.

ing people like you've got a [: 00:07:00

Emily: you.

Right, exactly like that. And I think a big part of it is, you know, focusing on what people don't tend to talk about, you know, people picture this idea, at least. Outside of the United States that, you know, you go to the United States and everything is so fun and so easy and, you know, you're successful and you start making money right away.

This idea of the American dream from the outside is very different than what you face when you're here and when you're starting to build a life in here. And same thing happens with, with parenting. You know, you hear all these beautiful things. You're going to be okay. But you're going to be parents, you're going to have this child, you're going to live a beautiful life.

ansition of becoming parents [: 00:08:00

Kelly: you do such a good job on your Instagram of very beautifully highlighting the hard things without it being like this is bad.

Like you show that you're not alone, that these are, these are very common feelings that parents feel, and you make it seem hopeful rather than Like a doomsday, like everything's going to be ruined forever. I'm so glad that it portrays that message. Yes, I definitely get that feeling of hope. So can you explain a little bit of how you got into wanting to work with people and helping them as a therapist and then specifically getting into the pregnancy and postpartum and parenthood?

therapy?

med being a very challenging [: 00:09:00

Science classes that I could not pass. You know, I'm not talking about a C. I'm talking about an F. So being very honest, very open here. Facing that for me was a very difficult, very difficult. It was a, a life experience that took me in the path of seeking my own therapy, working through the fears, the frustration, perfectionism or of wanting to achieve this and not having the flexibility of doing anything else.

ed my life at the time. So I [: 00:10:00

I went into the world of research as well to see if that's where I wanted to work. Did that for a couple of years and then I graduated, was still with not much of an idea of what I wanted to do. I came to Florida, looked at the options for master's degree, and realized that mental health, you know, clinical mental health counseling sounded like a good fit for what I wanted as a person for what aligned with my own values and my own goals career wise.

know, driving South Florida.[: 00:11:00

Kelly: you know, you spend hours.

Yeah, instead of driving around South Florida, which can take hours of your day. Right.

Emily: And working for, you know, in community mental health. It's not fair in a way. It doesn't align with my own values. You start seeing people as numbers because the system requires that. So I decided that was not for me. That's when I started to look more, worked in a private practice and learned about it and then created my own practice.

In the interim of that, in the, in the, in that process, I had two kids. Yeah. Right? So that brought me into the, my own journey of motherhood, you know, my own journey of Going from being husband and wife to being mom and dad and adapting to all of those changes. And that led me to the path of, you know, specializing in something that I could not find for me.

ing all the struggles of the [: 00:12:00

It was not because of infidelity or communication issues only. It was a lot about that transition of, you know, you're not only my husband anymore. You're also the dad of my kids. So I started to. I think, you know, this is an area that it's hard to find, that it's hard to get the support where you need it, and decided to create my own practice, which is what I'm doing now.

u have to be the rock of the [: 00:13:00

Like you said this is I can't speak to health care around the country, but at least in South Florida, even going to a holistic midwife myself at my six week appointment, they're like, Are you good? Like, I think so. I cry a lot, but I think I'm good. Okay. Yeah. Okay. We'll see you next year for your next checkup.

What? What do you mean? So having someone ahead of time, we spoke about this a lot, like, Meeting with someone like yourself who specializes in perinatal mental health, meeting with them before you have the baby, doing like a baseline check before the baby. And then that way, you know, what's the, what's the baseline before you even have your child and you have someone on speed dial.

having. Your children during [: 00:14:00

You're a self proclaimed adventurer. You've lived all over the country you lived in different in different countries now What that's been like for you to share the world with them and how you found observing them in that state and observing yourself, you and your husband in those states of travel, which can be a little tense sometimes, to say the least, like what, what is the meaning of travel for you, I guess, in that sense for

Emily: your family?

That's, that's such a good question. And I think there's so much that goes into it when you have little kids, right? My kids are four, five and two now. And it took a while for us to be able to, you know, Get to the mindset off. Let's travel around with them because you know, you know that even going to a playground.

together a lot while we were [: 00:15:00

Yeah. Yeah. It's a whole different game, right? So we we started this process of traveling with them with the help and support of extended family. Oh. That's how we kind of took the first risk of going overseas. That's a great idea. It comes with its own set of challenges, too. Yes. Because it's not easy to travel with more people than your own circle.

also being very aware of the [: 00:16:00

You know where to set the limits, how to communicate our needs as parents, how to communicate what's important to our kids because we are their voice too, and how to make, be able to keep the harmony in the whole process with everyone so it's enjoyable for everyone. So it's, it's a very tricky process, I think, for parents and it depends on each, you know, what you value and how you, how you see travel as parents too, right?

For us, it was personal. You know, it is, it still is personally hard to travel on our own, and I think we're, we're going to be touching on that a little bit later. But as a couple, getting away from the kids is still a little bit tricky for us, and a lot of anxiety provoking, a lot of planning around that, so that's a whole other set of challenges as

Kelly: well.

ting harder to leave because [: 00:17:00

I miss them, but I don't feel guilty. And I think it's just a lot of the work that I do. A lot of the work that I coach women and moms around is dropping guilt. So, I don't, I, I don't necessarily feel that anxiety or that guilt leaving them because I know they're in really safe hands and, and I feel really confident when I do leave them.

I miss them so, so much, but I don't let it affect my trip. But a question I get a lot from moms is, I'm going away for the first time in three years, we're going away for two nights, I'm freaking out, like, how, please tell me that I'm not Ruining my daughter forever by leaving her. Can you touch on that a little bit about that mom guilt, that parent guilt, that anxiety that we feel, and that we're not ruining them?

ith Whatever we decide to do [: 00:18:00

And I think that with traveling or going away, a lot of that comes along very silently because it's not spoken about out there, right? So what happens with moms? We tend to think it's us. Right. We don't know that everyone else is going through the same thing. We think it's like, what is wrong with with me that I'm thinking this, right?

And that's for the lack of conversation out there. The lack of normalization that these feelings are common, right there. They come with motherhood, right? You love this person so much. You're keeping, you're keeping them alive every day that going away feels like you're failing them or abandoning them, depending even though, you know, even on your own.

ome along and play a role in [: 00:19:00

The way that we feel, even though they don't understand, per se, about emotions, they will feel too. So it's very important to be very aware of that and acknowledge it. You know, I'm feeling guilty, I'm feeling sad, I'm going to miss you. And it's okay.

Kelly: I think that's really powerful because oftentimes you get even like on a date night.

ps that I've taken, I've, my [: 00:20:00

I'm going to miss you so, so, so much. And I will call you. And I, today is Friday. She knows the days of the week. It's like, today is Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. I'll be back Wednesday. And like, every day I tell her, today's Saturday. And I go through the days of the week, and she understands.

And I say, I'm going for work. And I'm going to miss you so, so much. And I try to just be as open as I can. And so I think that's a really good point for parents to take, is have an open dialogue with your kids. Don't try to hide from your own feelings by dismissing it from them. Right. And let them know that you're going away.

And can you from your own experience and from your own, Education of what you've learned it. Is it actually feeling like abandonment for the Children when they go away for multiple days at a time or what's actually going on in their little brains when you do leave for work or for pleasure

Emily: or whatever it is, [: 00:21:00

So I think it's a it's an important Thing to bring up the the the name of abandonment, right? That's a very deep, you know hurtful thing that we can experience as humans and when we feel that they might feel that that says more about what we are going through where we are experiencing or what we've experienced in the past Than one day what they might be going through in the moment, right?

So it's important for us to draw the line and make that difference. You know, I feel They will feel abandoned. But what is this telling me right now, right? Is to me, deep down, going away equal to abandoning someone, right? And reflecting on your inner experience in what you're going through, right? Make it more about what you're going through than guessing exactly what the other person is that's feeling or is going to feel because that's literally impossible.

, but go ahead and ask them, [: 00:22:00

It's you telling yourself that it's not the reality to know about the reality. What we have to do is get to their level and ask,

Kelly: right? I love that. And what about like little baby babies who can't verbalize it to you? What would you say about leaving someone who's six months old or eight months old for one of the common things I get is the two parents, they haven't, the couple, they haven't gone away since the baby's been born.

Sad, abandoned, like all the [: 00:23:00

I know we just talked about that word abandoned.

What would you say to a parent that, to a couple who's going away for the first time in seven or eight months, they're going away for a weekend together, what would you say to them who are feeling nervous and anxious

Emily: about that? So I think the very first step here is to validate.

Those emotions, right? I hear that you're going through this, you know, through this struggle and it feels very uncomfortable. It feels very difficult. It makes you feel very sad and You know, that's all valid and important. We don't want to get rid of those emotions because they're important. They're there.

g, but saying, you know, I'm [: 00:24:00

This is the first time I'm separating from my, from my baby, so it makes sense. To feel this way, you know, I would be more concerned if you tell me, you know I'm living my baby for the first time since they were born and who I'm just ready and done and you know, that's A little more concerning than feeling a little sad, a little conflicted about that decision.

So first, very first thing is to validate. Start by validating your own emotions. Seek support in your partner. They might feel the same way even though they might not communicate it the same way. And acknowledge that that's the emotion and that that is completely okay. And as far as the baby and making assumptions of that, it's important to recognize that it's us.

e The attention into saying, [: 00:25:00

But if we inundate our thoughts with the fears, with the fears of abandonment, with the sadness, we give no space for us to think about all the positive things that might be happening as a result.

Kelly: Right. And what would you say is the importance of couples going away for one night, for two nights on their own and having that time to connect with each other?

Emily: Right. So imagine when you have a baby ever since, well, the hospital I think doesn't count as much because you have a lot of help, but day one at home. Right? The, the couple comes from being an emotionally connected couple to being a transactional dynamic. Do this. Bring the bottle. Change the diaper. Do that.

Kelly: Right? Oh my God. That transactional, that word just really hit me there. That's so true. It

mily: is very transactional. [: 00:26:00

It, it requires the couple to be very intentional to leave the transactions aside and to be able to connect. Think of a date night. You go on a date night with your husband, you're thinking, Oh, that's awesome, we're taking time for ourselves. What do you guys talk about there? The baby. And what about the baby, right?

Who's going to take them to school next, next week, right? Transaction, transaction, transaction. It's hard to stay away from that. Wow. So when you go away and you travel, you plan this trip, you have a plan on, okay, we're going to visit this, we're going to do that, we're going to spend the day at the beach doing nothing.

ith your partner. So that's, [: 00:27:00

Kelly: Yeah, it's like you're giving yourself, yourself as an individual and also as a couple, the space.

To just breathe and figure out, okay, what do I need? Maybe I need to go to yoga class in the morning. And he wants to go scuba diving. And we get a little bit of space together and then we get to come back together and just ask, what do you wanna do? I just wanna read in bed. And just giving each other that space to, to breathe and become you and us

again.

Emily: Absolutely. And recharge. You recharge as a couple. I like to tell my, my, to tell my couples to think about you know, this emotional piggy bank. Just picture in your mind a piggy bank, and with that emotional piggy bank, you add coins on a daily basis, right? Those moments of connections will add coins.

u fight, you're withdrawing. [: 00:28:00

A trip like that, a going away like that will add coins to that emotional bank account.

Kelly: Yeah, and I can almost imagine from like an intimacy level when you're at home with the kids on a day to day basis, intimacy in whatever form it is for you and your partner can feel transactional because you're tired and there's this happening and, well, if I do the dishes then maybe we could do this.

Exactly. You know, it can feel really transactional, but when you're on a trip, it's exciting. It's not a task. You have space. You have time. It's, yes. Exactly. So I think, and that's a really important piece as couples that doesn't get talked about very much is that. Decrease in intimacy and connection and that aspect that happens when you have kids.

we're in South Florida, so a [: 00:29:00

And so you talked about the importance of unplugging as a couple. You like to talk a lot about unplugging as a family, too, and, and being able to, like, go away as a family and going on a trip and disconnecting from all the, the daily obligations, can you talk a little bit about why you think it's so important for families to travel together?

We've talked about couples going away, but now as the family as a whole, why is it so important to kind of Disconnect from our day to day life and the hustle and bustle and the school drop off and pick up and all that. Why is that important as a family to do that? Right.

Emily: So similar to the transactional dynamic that happens with couples as a family, we know that kids thrive in routine, right?

right? We get used to that. [: 00:30:00

So things are in order and kids as a result will feel that rhythm as well and will benefit them. But at the same time, it can get into that sameness, in that rhythm of sameness and connection, you know, emotional connection between family members. It's more, it's tricky to, to find in that, in that setup, right?

Think about their routine with kids in school. You wake up, make the lunches, take them to school, bring them back, extracurriculars, homework, bedtime, done. Right. Where's that space to sit down and laugh together and, you know, watch TV or, or go around a city and walk and sit down and eat a snack on the, you know, picnic style, which is very different to a routine.

igure out things and ways to [: 00:31:00

Kelly: ways.

Yeah, I really, I really feel that. Even when I just go to the beach with the girls, which doesn't happen very often because with young kids going to the beach is like a heroic feat with all this stuff. But, you know, sometimes I would just sit on the beach. We went this past weekend because my in laws were in town.

and let them look at you and [: 00:32:00

Right. Which doesn't happen a lot. Right. At home. I have to consistently remind myself. At home, you are having fun. You chose this life. You are having fun because that monotony and that routine does get to you, especially as an adult. So I think, like you said, getting that time and that space for everyone to unplug from their routine, to have a slower morning, to have that picnic, to whatever it is, play at a new playground is so important.

And one thing that I get asked a lot from families is, What do you do about iPads and screen time when you're traveling? Because when you're on the plane, it's a great tool to use. It's a special treat. But then you get to the place and they want the iPad the whole time or they come back home from their trip and then they want the screen time.

What would you say to families who are kind of struggling with that setting boundaries for screen time

u come back, is flexibility. [: 00:33:00

Like, you set yourself those set of expectations that nobody tells you that has to be met. That's how it's supposed to be. You set it for yourself and then you try to stick to them to only face reality, right? So it's very important to handle these things with flexibility and say, you know, we're going to work through this structure.

We're going to prep them. Prep is key when it comes to kids and traveling, right? So we talk ahead of time. We prep them for the trip and the way that we're going to use the devices for this specific example. And then we prep them as. The time to come back approaches during our trip on how things are going to start changing.

ake of this example, for two [: 00:34:00

When we go home, you're gonna Just reminders like that so that they're transitioning before the actual transition

Kelly: hits. Yeah, it's not like a hard stop.

Emily: Right, that's going to be very difficult for everyone. For them to understand the change so drastically, it's very difficult developmentally, right? And for adults to regulate the emotions when the kid's having a meltdown over the iPad and when you are exhausted from a trip.

It's very difficult

Kelly: to. Yeah, you just give in because you're just exhausted or jet lagged,

ed, so it's just very messy. [: 00:35:00

Kelly: Yeah, yeah. Speaking of, of tantrums and meltdowns and all of that, can you explain a little bit about what's going on in our little person's brain when they're traveling and, you know, these out of routine, and when they do inevitably have a meltdown or whatever it looks like?

For each family. What's the best? I know it's probably dependent on the child. But in your experience, what are some of the best strategies and helping Children to regulate their emotions when they are having a big meltdown? And completely outside of their environment, like when they're traveling.

Emily: Right, so I think it, as you said, it depends on the child, it depends on the age as well, right?

with a meltdown in the house.[: 00:36:00

So that plays a role too, you might see a meltdown of five minutes at home, not like a big deal, but the same meltdown of five minutes in a restaurant will feel a lot more stressful.

Kelly: Yeah, like heightened. Right. Because there are people looking

Emily: at you. You have, you have that pressure. Yeah. Right. So it's important to be flexible, excuse me, when it comes to that because that's, that's them expressing how overwhelmed they are with the unfamiliar.

It's important to prep them like everything else, right? That this might, you know, this restaurant will be different. We're going to see different foods. We're going to see different people, get the books ahead of time. So they're aware. So when the meltdown happens, you know how to approach it, right? You know how to talk to them through it.

Right? Is it the smell? Is it the food? How can I help you? How can I be here for you? Without trying to stop the meltdown itself, but to empathize with the child, right? It's,

I [: 00:37:00

You know, when they go to school, they are bombarded with this information, lots of information, lots of input. They come home very tired and sensitive, you know, very easily triggered. They let all their feelings out at home. So, very similar to traveling, where they are getting all of these new stimuli all of these Different things that are unfamiliar to them, you know, from the food to the people, to the culture, to the environment.

So that will really heighten their senses and overwhelm them a lot more quicker than being at home or being at the playground that they often visit or so on. So flexibility is key to this process.

Kelly: And it kind of sounds like the same skills or the same strategy empathizing could be very important.

raveling in and of itself is [: 00:38:00

Might feel anxiety over traveling and it's even heightened more when you have children with you. What would you say to someone like that?

Emily: Right, so you know how we, when we, when we travel we pack, right? We pack our clothes, we pack our things, we prep, I don't know, for my husband and I like to create a list of things that we're gonna need.

For each person. So we have kind of that sense of control. And that gives you an idea of what you need to bring, right? I think the same thing should apply to your mental health. So recognizing your triggers, even making a list, right, of what things could be triggering in this environment. So I have my, my oldest is a picky eater.

for me. So I'm very mindful [: 00:39:00

So being aware of that and what are you going to do to cope with it. It's very important. Just like you pack your bags, you create that. toolbox of coping skills for those triggers that couldn't happen, right? So be, bringing on awareness of what the triggers might be, thinking of them ahead of time.

Kelly: And then whatever coping strategies work for you, like for some people it might be.

to with the kids, but to him [: 00:40:00

So it's like, you know what? Okay, our coping strategy is to just get there three and a half hours in advance and walk the airport so the kids get tired. Right. Find a, find a, most airports have cool parks inside or just find something. So I think that's a really good idea is writing out the things that you get anxious about.

Naming it out loud and not feeling like oh, I am traveling. I should just be happy to go on this trip Like it's okay to say Being trying new foods makes me nervous being late to the airport makes me nervous being stuck in a meltdown in an airplane makes me nervous just writing it out there and then maybe coming up with two or three ways of Helping yourself kind of Calm down and and regulate your

Emily: emotions, right?

ady in place and having that [: 00:41:00

So even though the, the meltdowns in the plane, those are stressful because people are going to look at you, but then you get at the bottom of it, you know, they're going to look at you and then what? The meltdowns are the way that they're communicating. The kids are communicating their overstimulation, the noise, you know, the airplane sounds like a white noise machine that never stops.

You know, their tightness, their ears hurt. The space is tight, they cannot move, so the lack of movement, their senses are limited in that place. So it's understandable. So when you try to understand why it's happening, it also helps giving you that sense of control over the situation for you to be able to show up with, to your child and be supportive and accompany them.

w, we were stuck in Heathrow [: 00:42:00

So there was jumping and trampolines and boxing things. And then they had a total soft play climbing gym for infants. And I was like, this is what kids need genius. Yes, so that they can feel like they can go upside down and spin around and hit something hard and get all those sensory needs out of the way.

So I was just thinking maybe on a plane, if you have a small kid, like a two or three year old, you can just flip them upside down and let them hang for a little while and laugh and play because they need that. Upside down orientation or that could be a really cool way to get some of those sensory needs out and make play part of the sitting down process and even

Emily: bring, you know, Play Doh with you in the plane so they can touch whatever engages their senses, Play Doh that smells different, right?

n crunchy foods. So they get [: 00:43:00

Kelly: love that. That's such a good I've never put two and two Together like that before I'm so excited to use that even for yourself to like bring a little bit of that play like you take Some of the play doh and you calm yourself through molding something, right?

That's awesome. I love that so much. So your son's a picky eater, and you're going to new cultures, and that's, that is a struggle is when you have a picky eater going to new cultures with different foods, but, so even though it's challenging for you, why is it still so important for you to expose your kids to new cultures, and like, what do you think is the, the reason, like why is it important for not just us as adults, but for little kids to get that exposure to different

Emily: cultures?

way to grow as a person, is [: 00:44:00

for two weeks, right? It's important to be a little uncomfortable to learn and to grasp, you know, how people live out there, even to gain some appreciation about what we have. I think traveling can be an eye opener for that too. Connecting with other cultures and realizing that we are humans, no matter where we are, we feel the same way about certain things.

We can connect the same way about certain things, you know. You see a child falling on a playground, the other side of the world, and you see people's reaction is going to be very similar to this child. So the empathy, you know, I think it brings a lot of hope, a lot of growth, a lot of gratitude to us personally.

ing them, you know, whenever [: 00:45:00

Kelly: them.

Yeah, and that's like a common thing that I hear from Travelers who take their kids all around the world, they say, look, they might not remember. They might not remember that trip to the museum or that cool park they went to or the hike that we did, but all of these experiences get instilled into them and they remember the stories.

Like, I, my parents tell stories of our travels when I was two or three years old and I feel like I can remember them. It's almost like I, I, I have this like, almost like a dream when you can't put the exact details or the faces together, but you have the feeling. The core memory is there. I, I, I know that I remember it.

re we were born, I feel like [: 00:46:00

Mm hmm. And so bringing all those really cool, Core novel experiences into their lives help enrich their story of growing

Emily: up, right? And I think for us as parents, I think it's very possible us to to make it very meaningful to them, too Like when you prep for a trip, you know how you as an adult you look up a Google like good places to visit somewhere Right.

What's something fun to learn here? Then do the same for your kids. Find a book about that place. Like, we went to Canada one time. We bought a book about Toronto and, like, read it, a kid book. So we read it to our kids and show them, like, iconic things that are there. Read it a few times before we travel. So when we're there, we're like, look, just like in the book.

Yeah. So it becomes very magical, like, for them and very meaningful to see what was in my book in my house. It's here in front of my eyes.

Kelly: Yeah, that's a really [: 00:47:00

No, I just want to, there are pandemic babies. I just want to go home. I want to go home. Even on a trip, we were in Greece. I want to go home. And she just likes being home. And so I think that's a cool way of getting them excited about the trip. And then when they're out seeing things, Oh, remember that that was in our book from home.

Okay. You know, and just like, Helping them feel like they're part of the process rather than just along for

Emily: the ride. Right, exactly, exactly. Like for my, my son, my oldest, he's not into Disney characters. We went on a Disney cruise recently and I was like, I want to get him excited about this, these characters because that's what he's going to see there.

And I was like, I don't know what, how. So I got the autograph book. He likes collecting stuff. So I got the autograph and I told him you're on a mission here. You need to find the characters and get the, the signature. So you have a collection there. So that got him very pumped for that. And he was looking for the characters all the time.

about Goofy or Pluto, but he [: 00:48:00

Kelly: game, right? Keeping that as a

Emily: memory. So it's a matter of how we frame it for them that could make it more meaningful. As they prep, and then as I, as I navigate that, and then it will really frame how they remember that trip.

Kelly: I, I think that's a really cool idea is finding what's going to work for your kids.

Some kids want to have the souvenir and collect things. Some kids want to tick things off a list or, you know. They want to read a book about it. I really, I've really enjoyed hearing all the tips. The very last thing I want to touch on is when this episode airs, it's going to be around the holiday time, which I know is a big travel season for a lot of parents, on top of the heightened stress of the holidays and gifts and...

uch an already heightened So [: 00:49:00

Emily: like that you mentioned that it's semi triggering, so triggers is very important to identify and like I said before, flexibility plays a big role.

But when it comes to holidays and family gathering and traveling, the main thing here to consider and to keep in mind and to work on is boundaries. How to establish healthy boundaries. See what your boundaries are, reinforce them, practice, read about it. For some people it's very difficult to set boundaries, to communicate them effectively, so prep for that, right?

There is enough time to read, to get informed, to get educated on how boundaries, healthy boundaries look like, what they mean to you. Right. So if you're concerned, so look at your anxiety and your fears and your concerns regarding the holidays, what are you most worried about and where is the need of a boundary there?

family is going to say about [: 00:50:00

Kelly: Right. And especially when you're traveling for the holidays, let's say, and, and visiting family interstate, or going to a different country, or even just going as a, as your own family unit somewhere.

Like you said, you could think about what's stressful or an anxiety for your family. So I could think for some of, some friends as we're talking about traveling together is my in laws, not my current in laws, but my friend's in laws say, You know, they just give them sugar all day long because they don't see them very often.

And so now they're in a different state, in a different routine, and they're just eating sugar all day. If that stresses you out, okay, where can we set the boundary around that? Or some in laws will say, Oh, just let them stay up late. Let them have fun. But if sleep is something that triggers you, like me, sleep is hands down the most triggering.

r family. And I think that's [: 00:51:00

Absolutely. Working with someone like yourself can help identify and come up with action plans in

Emily: the process. Absolutely. Learning about boundaries and learning to set them effectively takes time and takes practice. As we prep for the holidays, it's especially important to learn about that, to educate yourself about that, and to seek help if you do need it.

You know, when it comes to travel anxiety, for example, or anxiety in general, There is this level of anxiety that you can cope with and you can identify things and do something about it on your own. And there is also this level of anxiety that is way above what you can do on your own. So it's important to be aware how intense that anxiety feels to you.

out medication, even if it's [: 00:52:00

I

Kelly: love that. Thank you so much for sharing all these amazing tips. I'm so excited for people to hear what you have to say, your advice, your personal stories. I think you do such a good job at blending all of your past experiences, your education, your clinical experience, your experience as a mother. And like I said, if anyone's listening, her Instagram, at mindfulseeds, I'll have it linked in the show notes.

But it really is such a source of hope and also a source of, oh. That's, oh, I feel that way too. That's not weird. I'm not weird. You know, it's just like a way to not feel alone. And then you also give strategies. It's not just a sense of community. You also give strategies. So I always end these episodes with rapid fire questions about travel.

So I'd love to hear your answers. Okay. Okay.

What's number one on your bucket list right now? Where do you want to go next?

Emily: Ah, I want to go to

Kelly: [: 00:53:00

Emily: anywhere in Spain?

No, I've never been in that side of the, of the country, in Europe and that side. So I, I just want to explore, explore, learn the history, all of that in Spain and maybe around surrounding countries

Kelly: too. I've heard Spain is amazing with kids. I have friends who have traveled Spain extensively through a van, and they said it was, it was so kid friendly.

Oh, and even more now. Except that dinner starts at 10 p. m., so maybe not. I'll prep. Yeah, right? The preparation, there you go. Alright, what's your biggest life lesson that you've learned through traveling?

Emily: Hmm.

ut then watch them you know, [: 00:54:00

They're safe space.

Kelly: Amazing. And then if you could give one piece of advice to an inspiring explorer, what would you say?

Emily: Be flexible. I think that's the main thing. You know, we set ourselves to certain expectations. Notice what the expectations are. Realize why that's important to you. How does it align to your values?

If it does align to your values and be flexible with the outcome too.

Kelly: Awesome. Thank you so much. Do you want to share where people can find you or they connect with you online?

Emily: Yeah. So my, my website is mindfulseatstherapy. com. They can find me through there. They can if they want a consultation, they can book it through the website or they can also reach out through the Instagram at mindful seats as well.

Yes.

Kelly: And everyone, please go follow her on Instagram. Cause it's just a daily dose of inspiration. So thank you. Thank

Emily: you so much for having me.

of the Transform with Travel [: 00:55:00

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